English Training Course - An external request

Subject: New shipping date for P/T-008/05
Dear Simone,

Thanks for your comments of the order below (P/T-008/05). It maybe tight to meet our delivery schedule of April.

As it takes 4 days for sea freight, another 2 days for distribution, also at least a week for customs clearance, so please arranged it earlier your schedule.

In order to meet our sales promotion in April, we need to receive the products in the end of March, so please help us by corresponding with our supply team and check if it is possible to ship the goods around March 16.

Awaiting your favorable reply by today.

Claudia

This is an email from Claudia, who works for a whole sale business to Simone, who works for one of her supplies. Claudia wants to make a request to Simone for an order to be shipped earlier so she can deliver the products to customer on time.

A good request email would usually have four parts:
1. Background: explain the situation behind the email.
2. Request: tell the reader what you want him or her to do.
3. Motivation: explain to the reader why he or she will benefit from the fulfilling the request.
4. Action: remind the reader what action you’d like them to take.

Let’s first check the mechanics.

Thanks for your comments on the order below (P/T-008/05). It may be tight to meet our delivery schedule for April.

As it takes four days for sea freight, another two days for distribution, and at least a week for customs clearance, so please arranged it earlier your schedule.

In order to meet our sales promotion in April, we need to receive the products by the end of March, so please help us by corresponding with our supply team and checking if it is possible to ship the goods around March 16.

Now let’s take look at the style.
If you look into the first paragraph, you see Claudia begin with an introduction statement, reminding Simone which order she wants to discuss. The second sentence is a background sentence:

Thanks for your comments on the order below (P/T-008/05). It may be tight to meet our delivery schedule for April.

So I think we break the introduction sentence out.

Thanks for your comments on the order below (P/T-008/05).

It may be tight to meet our delivery schedule for April.

In the fourth paragraph, we have another sentence about the background. So I will cut these out and move to the second paragraph.

Thanks for your comments on the order below (P/T-008/05).

It may be tight to meet our delivery schedule for April. In order to meet our sales promotion in April, we need to receive the products by the end of March.

As it takes four days for sea freight, another two days for distribution, and at least a week for customs clearance, so please arranged it earlier your schedule.

Please help us by corresponding with our supply team and checking if it is possible to ship the goods around March 16.

Let’s make a few vocabulary changes. I am going to change tight to difficult. Tight is informal. And since we have used the word April in the first sentence, we don’t need to use it again in the second sentence, we can change this to for that month.

It may be difficult to meet our delivery schedule for April. In order to meet our sales target for that month, we need to receive the products by the end of March.

The third paragraph is a request paragraph.
She says so please arrange it earlier in your schedule, it doesn’t give Simone a very clear idea about of Claudia wants her to do. We already know from looking into the fourth paragraph that Claudia wants to the good to be delivered around March 16. So let that information and move to the second paragraph so Simone knows exactly what she need to do.

As it takes four days for sea freight, another two days for distribution, and at least a week for customs clearance, we would like you to ship the goods by March 16.
You should explain to your reader what she will benefit.
So let’s add a motivation paragraph here.


As it takes four days for sea freight, another two days for distribution, and at least a week for customs clearance, we would like you to ship the goods by March 16. An early shipment will allow us to meet customer expectations and generate more sales in future.

The fourth paragraph should be our action paragraph.

Please help us by corresponding with our supply team and checking if it is possible to ship the goods by March 16.

Let’s go back to the beginning and review the tone of the email.
First let’s look at the two sentences what C asked S to do something:
-We would like you to ship the goods by March 16.
-Please help us by corresponding with our supply team and checking if it is possible to ship the goods by March 16.

The first request use indirect form, but the second request may be too direct.
Let’s change it to more polite way:

We would appreciate if you can help us by corresponding with our supply team and checking if it is possible to ship the goods by March 16.

We also need to do something about the closing statement.
It is not a good way to close an email.
Let’s change it to an indirect way:

I look forward to your reply.

Let’s look the update email:

Subject: New shipping date for P/T-008/05
Dear Simone,

Thanks for your comments on the order below (P/T-008/05).

It may be difficult to meet our delivery schedule for April. In order to meet our sales target for that month, we need to receive the products by the end of March.

As it takes four days for sea freight, another two days for distribution, and at least a week for customs clearance, we would like you to ship the goods by March 16.
We would appreciate if you can help us by corresponding with our supply team and checking if it is possible to ship the goods by March 16.

I look forward to your reply.

Regards,

Claudia

English Training Course - Writing an internal bad news email

Now you will a short email from Jenny, who is responsible for her company’s IT services. She is writing this email to give her colleagues some bad news.
Subject: Server Restart Inform
We will restart our mail server from 17:15PM to 18:00PM today because of the backup tape equipment has some problems, I’m afraid that we will restart the server many times, sorry for the inconvenience to you, any questions please call 588.

Best regards,

Jenny

Let’s talk about the best way to deliver a bad news. When you write to someone outside your company, it is a good idea to use an indirect style. Although you should also make sure your readers understand and accept the bad news. But in this case, Jenny is writing to her own colleagues, in this internal bad news, it is best to use more direct style, since the company wants to deliver you the bad news efficiently. At the same time, she needs to be polite and to show understanding for her colleagues receiving the bad news.

All right, let’s start with the mechanics of this email.
As you can see, we have a subject line. We can not use inform as a noun in this way, so we’d better change this to something like notice.

When we looked into the body of this email, the first thing we noticed is the entire message is just one sentence.

Subject: Server Restart Notice
We will restart our mail server from 17:15PM to 18:00PM today because of the backup tape equipment has some problems. I’m afraid that we will restart the server many times. Sorry for the inconvenience to you. Any questions please call 588.

Best regards,

Jenny

In the first paragraph, Jenny wrote the company will restart the server. Since Jenny is using 24-hour time here, she doesn’t need PM after 17:15 or 18:00. Also we need to change because of to because. Remember that because of always follows by a noun or noun phrase.
We can not also say ‘Any questions please call 588’, it is actually a sentence fragment. We’d better change this to a complete sentence by making the first part into a clause – ‘If you have any questions, please call 588’.

And finally, we should think about constructing email into a separate paragraph.


Subject: Server Restart Notice
We will restart our mail server from 17:15 to 18:00 today because the backup tape equipment has some problems. I’m afraid that we will restart the server many times.

Sorry for the inconvenience to you. If you have any questions, please call 588.

Best regards,

Jenny

Now let’s move to the style of this email, when you writing an email to deliver a bad news, one good strategy is to buffer the news, that is, to put some neutral material at the beginning and the end of the email, and also at the beginning and the end of the paragraph containing bad news. This makes the delivery less (a bright), and helps avoid giving a negative impression to the reader.
As you can see, Jenny has not followed the rule. She goes straight to the bad news.
Let’s rewrite this paragraph to put the explanation first:

We have discussed that the backup tape equipment for our mail server has some problems. For this reason, we will restart the server from 17:15 to 18:00 today. I’m afraid that we will restart the server many times.

The last sentence of the paragraph gives the readers some additional bad news’, we can rephrase this words in a positive way.

We have discussed that the backup tape equipment for our mail server has some problems. For this reason, we will restart the server beginning at 17:15 today. We expected the server to be available again after 18:00.

When an email has to deliver a bad news, it is also helpful to emphasize what the readers would benefit by cooperating. So let’s help Jenny add a new sentence in the second paragraph.

We have discussed that the backup tape equipment for our mail server has some problems. For this reason, we will restart the server beginning at 17:15 today. We expected the server to be available again after 18:00.

These repairs to the server will make your Internet and email connections more reliable in the future.

In the last paragraph, ‘Sorry’ sounds very informal, let’s change to ‘We apologize for’.

We apologize for the inconvenience. If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to call me on the extension 588.

Finally, we should add a closing sentence to show the appreciation.
Thank you for your patience and understanding.



Let’s look at the update email:

Subject: Server Restart Notice

We have discussed that the backup tape equipment for our mail server has some problems. For this reason, we will restart the server beginning at 17:15 today. We expected the server to be available again after 18:00.

These repairs to the server will make your Internet and email connections more reliable in the future.

We apologize for the inconvenience. If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to call me on the extension 588.

Thank you for your patience and understanding.

Regards,

Jenny

English Training Course - Asking feedback on a report

To: Emily@xyz.com
Subject: Please review this document
Dear Emily,
I should be glad if you review the attached document. Please can you let me know if you have any inputs, comments and concerns?
I look forward to hearing from you.
If I don't receive your feedback by 5:00pm next Wednesday, I will deem that you are OK with the content of the attached document.
Thank you very much for your attention!
Regards,
Stone

Stone wants the language to sound friendly but he also wants to keep the language direct and professional.
Let’s first look at the issue of mechanics –the grammar, punctuation, spelling and layout of the email.
I think the formatting of this email needs a couple of changes. In the first paragraph, we have a phrase – I look forward to hearing from you, which normally appears in the conclusion of a business letter.
We also need to make few corrections to the grammars of the first paragraph:
-We add ‘could’ before ‘review’ to make an indirect request.
-Since this is a request, so let’s say ‘Can you please’ instead of ‘Please can you’.
-‘inputs, comments and concerns’ basically mean the same thing.
In the third paragraph, I don’t think Stone need to use the exclamatory point. That’s very informal.

Now let’s go back the top and look at the style of the email beginning with the subject lines. ‘Please review this document’, we don’t know what kind of document he is referring to. Is it report？Unfortunately, we can not fix that because the information is missing from the email. Let’s move on to the first paragraph, where we will see the same problem. Stone doesn’t tell us what kind of document he is talking about.
I think we should make some changes in the second paragraph to make it more formal.
-A word like OK is very informal, let’s change it to ‘satisfied’.
-Instead of saying ‘that you are OK with the content of the attached document’, just saying ‘that you are satisfied with the document’. Stone has explained that the document is attached to the email.
-Stone has made a request in the body of the email. We don’t need to repeat this request in the subject lines. To make it less direct and more polite, we can change the subject line to ‘Document for review’.

I think the tone of first paragraph doesn’t have any major problems.
However, if we look at the second paragraph, there certainly some changes we should make.
‘If I don't receive your feedback by 5:00pm next Wednesday’, by using a negative verb here, Stone created a negative feel for the entire sentence. Instead of talking about what Emily shouldn’t do, let’s talk about how she can help Stone to improve the document-‘I would like to receive your feedback by 5:00pm next Wednesday’.


Let’s look at the update email:
To: Emily@xyz.com
Subject: Document for review
Dear Emily,
I should be glad if you could review the attached document. Can you please let me know if you have any comments?
I would like to receive your feedback by 5:00pm next Wednesday, so that I can make any changes you feel are necessary.
Thank you very much for your attention. I look forward to hearing from you.
Regard,
Stone

How to describe figures up and down

A. Going up
You use a number of verbs to describe amounts or figures going up
1. BT shares advance in active trading.
2. Trade surplus jumps to record level.
3. Petrol prices set to skyrocket.
4. Unemployment leaps to ten-year high.
5. Yahoo! soars as internet explosion continues.
6. VM profits up as car sales continue to surge.
B. Going down
You also use a number of verbs to describe amounts of figures going down.
7. 1,000 jobs axed as defence plant closes.
8. European central bank cuts rate in surprise move.
9. Megacorp eases on profits warning.
10. September retail sales plummet.
11. Government slashes income tax to ten per cent.
12. Euro dives to new lows.

C. Peaks and troughs
If a figure rises to a level and then stops rising, remaining at that level, it levels off and remains steady or stable.
If a figure reaches its highest level - a peak - and then goes down, it peaks at that level. if it reaches its lowest level - a trough - and then bottoms out, it falls to that level and then starts rising again.
D. boom and bust
Demand is the amount of goods and services that people want in a particular period.
A boom is when there is rising demand, and other indicators are strong.
stagnation is when the economy is growing slowly, or not at all.
Stagflation is when slow growth is combined with prices that are increasing fast.
Recession is a period when there is negative growth, a period when the economy is producing less. A slump is a very bad recession. A depression is a very bad slump.

World AIDS Day

World AIDS Day, observed December 1 each year, is dedicated to raising awareness of the AIDS pandemic caused by the spread of HIV infection. AIDS has killed more than 25 million people, with an estimated 38.6 million people living with HIV, making it one of the most destructive epidemics in recorded history. Despite recent, improved access to antiretroviral treatment and care in many regions of the world, the AIDS epidemic claimed an estimated 3.1 million (between 2.8 and 3.6 million) lives in 2005 of which, more than half a million (570,000) were children.
The concept of a World AIDS Day originated at the 1988 World Summit of Ministers of Health on Programmes for AIDS Prevention. Since then, it has been taken up by governments, international organizations and charities around the world.
From its inception until 2004, UNAIDS spearheaded the World AIDS Day campaign, choosing annual themes in consultation with other global health organizations. In 2005 this responsibility was turned over to World AIDS Campaign (WAC), who chose Stop AIDS: Keep the Promise as the main theme for World AIDS Day observences through 2010, with more specific sub-taglines chosen annually. This theme is not specific to World AIDS Day, but is used year-round in WAC's efforts to highlight HIV/AIDS awareness within the context of other major global events including the G8 Summit. World AIDS Campaign also conducts “in-country” campaigns throughout the world, like the Student Stop AIDS Campaign, an infection-awareness campaign targeting young people throughout the UK.
World AIDS Day banner, European Commission building, Brussels
It is common to hold memorials to honor persons who have died from HIV/AIDS on this day. Government and health officials also observe, often with speeches or forums on the AIDS topics. Since 1995 the President of the United States has made an official proclamation on World AIDS Day. Governments of other nations have followed suit and issued similar annoucements.

Spotlight: Pink ribbons are meant to raise awareness of breast cancer; red ribbons remind us of AIDS; blue ribbons symbolize the fight against child abuse, prostate cancer and second-hand smoke; yellow ribbons welcomed home the US hostages in Iran in 1981, and await deployed US soldiers today

English Training Course - How to make suggestions

How to show that you have a suggestion:
-I wonder if I could say something.
-Sorry, can I come here?
-Can I just come here?
-I have a good suggestion.

How to make suggestion:
Formal:
-I tend to feel that we should be able to start testing the project in April.
-Well, from my point of view.
-Well, it seems to me that …
-I have the impression that…he didn’t really want to come.
-Don’t you think that that’s a little early?
-Well, one possibility would be to
-Perhaps we should
Informal:
-How about
-Basically, I think we have two options.
-Obviously, there’s only one choice.
-The way I see it, we’re heading for trouble.

How to accept a suggestion?
-Right, I can see what you mean.
-Yes, that might be worth trying.
-Okay, let’s do that.
-That’s not a bad idea.
-Yes, I think that would work really well.
-Good idea. /Great idea.

How to reject a suggestion?
-That’s a good idea, but I am not sure it would work.
-Good suggestion, but I …., to be honest.
-I am not really sure about that.
-Do you think so?

English Training Course - How to manage the discussion

How to manage the discussion
Task A: How to keep the discussion on track?

Sam wants to change the topic:
-Can I just come here? That reminds me that....
The chairperson can get it back on track with:
-Sorry Sam, but I think this is a bit of sidetrack. Let's try to keep to the agenda, Okay? I want to get everyone out here on time.

Sandra wants to change the topic:
-Speaking of the ...
Chairperson can get it back on track with:
-You may have a point there, Sandra. Let's leave that for the regular team meeting on Thursday. We still have a lot to cover.
Let's review the language for keeping the discussion on track:
-I can see what you saying, but let's try to keep to the agenda.
-To save time, we need to stay on track. Let's try not to get too far of the topic.
-Let's come back to it later, for now, I really want to stick to the agenda.
-That's an interesting point, but let's talk about that when we come to it, can we back to the main point?
-We've got a lot to cover. So I suggest we do our best to stay on track.

Task B: How to widening the discussion to make sure you've heard different point of you?

-What do others think, is there anything else we should consider?
-What other approaches are there to the problems, does anybody has any ideas?
-How about other people? Any comment?
-Let's go around the table and get reaction to that idea, who would like to begin?
-Are there any other ways to think about this?

Task C: How to move from one point to the next in the meeting?

-Right, we seem to have dealt with this issue, now let's move to the next issue.
-Good, I'll say that is about all for that topic, now, let's turned to the issue sales.
-Well, we just about covered the San Francisco office. Let's continue about discussing NY office.
-Time is pressing, let's leave that there and move on to the next issue on the agenda, okay?

Task D: How to ask for an opinion?

-How do you feel about that, Cecilia?
-What would you like to add, George?
-Could you please share your thoughts on that, Sam?
-What's your view on this, Richard?
-Tony, what's your feeling on this?